A Preview of Trump’s State of the Union Speech

My fellow Americans…esteemed Republican members of Congress, Democrats, the five good Supreme Court Justices, any generals who still like me, and the fake-news enemy-of-the-people media. I’m excited to be here tonight to tell you, quite frankly, of all the amazing things I’m doing. And believe me…there’s many bigly accomplishments. More than any president ever. Especially Obama.

Let’s start with the government shutdown. Or, as many people are calling it, and this is true, and they’re right,..the Schumer/Pelosi shutdown. It’s all the Democrats’ fault. Now when I said weeks ago that I would “own” the shutdown”…that I’d take the “mantle”…that I wouldn’t blame “Chuck” and the Dems…that’s not what I meant.

Look, I’m a builder…and, everyone knows this, but nobody likes to talk about it, I’m the biggest most successful builder…nobody builds buildings like Trump…everyone loves my buildings…the Chinese, the Saudi’s…the Russians…and by the way, there was NO COLLUSION!…the real collusion is with Hillary and the Dems…and so I build things. I ‘own’ things. And, Mickey Mantle was always my favorite baseball player. The Mick! Ya gotta admit, they don’t make ’em like The Mick anymore, am I right! A bit of an ugly drinker though…but we won’t talk about that. Lastly, when I said I wouldn’t blame Chuck, I actually meant that I would blame Chuck.

We need a wall, people. And I’m not talking about the one between me and Melania. I’m talking about a big beautiful wall. A barrier. Or steel slats. Or Levolor blinds, beaded curtains, Roman shades. Maybe some hanging bamboo. I love bamboo! I love the way it sounds…bam-BOO! Those brown people from Mexico, Honduras, El Salvador…and many people don’t like using this word…invading America. They’re thugs, gang members, terrorists. Millions and millions of terrorists. They’re BAD HOMBRES! They dress like hungry women and children to fool us. It’s gotta stop. And it’s gonna stop right here and right NOW! It’s a national emergency!

This emergency is so strong, so severe, so dangerous that I’m willing to wait days, weeks, months even years to stand firm against Nancy on this. Gonna wait to see what she does. Then I’ll see what Mexico does. Then I’ll see what Rush, Laura, Ann and Sean think. Then I’ll read Breitbart. Then maybe see what Bobby Knight and…