An Open Letter to Daddy From Ivanka, Eric & Donnie Jr.

Dear Daddy:

The boys nominated me to write this on our behalf because everyone knows I’m your favorite child (sorry Tiff!) and Donnie thinks I’m a better writer than he is… and Eric, well….anyway…

So, we’re mad daddy! Really mad! We’d be crying, but we don’t have tear-ducts or human-like emotions (just like you daddy!)…so…anyway…

…We had everything. Money, fame, power. We could lie, cheat and steal. No one cared. Uncle Mikey always took care of everything. Then you had to make everything messy-messy by running for president. And then throwing poor Uncle Mikey under the bus. Now look at us. Mueller knows everything. We’re ruined! Likely going to jail. And our very classy Trump brand is worthless. I think we hate you!

Why did you do this to us? You never even wanted to be president. You always told us you hate all those dirty, lazy, blue-collar “little people” and just wanted all the free publicity we’d get so we could make more money (we love money!). And you’d get so much attention (we know how much you loooove attention, daddy!). But you never even thought you’d win. You promised us you wouldn’t win. You gave us and mommy…I mean Melanie…your word. You lied to us! Do you remember how upset Melanie was on Election Night? It was so upsetting. I almost cried again.