Confessions of a Hypothetical Trump Supporter

Let’s call me “Joe.” I love Trump. I voted for him. And I’ll do it again in a heartbeat. Because it’s time we have someone in the White House who speaks my language and wants to bring America back to the good ole days for white guys like me.

I’m a veteran. A family man. A God-fearing patriot who goes to church every Sunday. But I’m ok ignoring every principle I believe in when it comes to Trump. That’s how much I love the man. But let’s face it, the only real thing that matters to me is making sure those black and brown people don’t overrun our great nation. White is right. And Trump is the country’s first president for white people.

I don’t make much money at my factory job. And I don’t care that Trump’s a billionaire who passed that shitty tax bill which makes him and his rich pals richer and ain’t gonna put any money in my pocket. Or that he’s full of shit about bringing back coal, steel and manufacturing plants. I know that ain’t gonna happen. And I don’t care.

And I don’t care that we’re not gonna get a wall. Or that Mexico’s not paying for it even if we did get one. I don’t even care of I’m gonna end up paying for it with my taxes.

I also don’t care that he lies to me non-stop about everything else. That’s ok. We all lie. Fake news, right?

I don’t care that he’s banged porn stars, Playmates and probably a few prostitutes too. I mean, c’mon, I’m a red-blooded American male! Who wouldn’t want to screw hot chicks like that? (guys like me have to settle for lap dances at strip clubs…but sshhhhh…don’t tell the wife!)

I have three daughters. And, man, if someone laid a finger on them I’d kill ’em. Same with my wife and two sisters. And of course my dear mother. I’ll kill you if you hurt them. But if ya wanna grab someone else’s pussy, go ahead.

I’m 100% military. Three tours in Iraq. My daddy was US Army too. Vietnam. And my gramps fought the Nazi’s in WW II. I love my country. But I’m ok with Trump letting Russia attack us. No problem if Putin meddled in our election and is undermining our democracy. You’d think I’d be really upset with that, right? But that’s the beauty of being a Trumpster. Nothing upsets us (except black and brown people).

So do you get what I’m talkin’ about? I really don’t care about any of this bullshit. Not the sexual assaults, the lying, the name-calling, the staff chaos, the bogus tax cuts, the trade war, the cheating on Melania, hush money payoffs, the money laundering, collusion, obstruction of justice, treason…none of it.

I don’t care what you find on Trump. Fuck Mueller. It don’t matter. Trump’s my guy. He’s one of us. Remember…he can shoot someone in the middle of….yeah…I think you remember that.

The only thing I do care about is white. And making sure my America, white America, stays that way. The White House is finally white again. Just like it’s supposed to be.

Call me a ‘racist’ if that makes ya feel better. Whatever. Just keep those immigrants and minorities away from me and my America…

MAGA!