Orange Jesus and the $60 Bible

Andy Ostroy
2 min readMar 30, 2024

Let’s talk about Donald Trump’s latest grift: his ridiculously expensive $60 bible that he’s selling…during Holy Week…in a partnership with country music star Lee Greenwood…he of “I’m Proud to be an American” fame.

Let’s set the record straight: Trump is a hypocrite with giant heathen balls. He’s a fake-ass Christian who never met a sin he didn’t love to commit. That he’s vomiting about faith, religion and God would be as laughable and hypocritical as Jeffrey Dahmer warning about the health risks of cannibalism.

Trump, better known as Orange Jesus to evangelicals who’ve anointed him The Chosen One, is desperately trying to appeal to a much broader swath of Christian-folk as the November election looms large. He’s like a dying atheist suddenly finding God.

But let’s relish for a moment the delicious irony of Trump’s latest scam. He wants Christians…ya know, people of faith…to buy his Good Book so he can raise money to pay off his judgements and legal expenses for being a corrupt fraud who cheated on every one of his wives, fucked porn stars and strippers and most likely underage girls, bragged out grabbing pussies, and who sexually assaulted and raped many women. Oh yeah, that’s some straight-outta-the-Bible shit right there!

Now back to Greenwood. Let’s take a moment to review the first chorus of his cheesy anthem, which has become MAGA’s version of the Star Spangled Banner and makes the typical Trumper hotter than two rats screwin’ in a wool sock. The lyrics are:

And I’m proud to be an American
Where at least I know I’m free
And I won’t forget the men who died
Who gave that right to me
And I’d gladly stand up next to you
And defend Her still today
’Cause there ain’t no doubt
I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.

Well ya know what? I’d say Trumpers are definitely forgetting the men who died. Because they died fighting tyranny, fascism and dictators. They died defending our democracy. And these cultists support a democracy-raping traitor who not only loves dictators, he’s promised to be one should he win in November.

So, they can sing and weep and wave the flag all they want. But as long as they worship Donald Trump like a rapacious hillbilly at a pig roast, the words to this song, let alone those in the fucking Bible, really don’t mean shit to them.

--

--

Andy Ostroy

Director, producer, podcaster, writer, resistor, non-profit-supporter of women filmmakers